Having The Sex Talk with Your Teenage Boy or Girl
With the youth forever bent over their phones watching videos (sometimes questionable for their age), they hardly need to be told what exactly does the act of having sex with your partner means. Gone are the days when you can give them the sex talk wrapped in stories about bees, flowers, and storks for they will smirk and tell you a thing or two showing how well informed they are. For a parent, doing the sex talks seems like a herculean task which is forever looming large on their heads once their kid reaches teenage.
The anxiety is clearly visible in their actions and their behavior where they try to follow their teen around, spy on them even, and look for chances to read their text messages on phone to know if their teen has reached a stage where he or she needs the sex talk. And God forbid, if they spot a contraceptive in their teen’s room, all hell breaks loose. All this drama and hullabaloo can simply be avoided if the parents sit down with their children and give them ‘The Sex Talk’.
What’s the Big Deal?
Now, why is there so much fuss about it? One of the primary reasons is the awkwardness involved when discussing a topic like sex with your kids. With their raging hormones, they have probably already done so much research on the topic that they can write a thesis on it. But, the question here is if they have done the right kind of research. For instance, reading all volumes of the erotica Fifty Shades of Grey is not going to give them a lot of useful knowledge about sex or rather safe sex.
That is not what they are looking for, as the word ‘safe’ is not in the dictionary of most teens, not only for sex but anything adventurous for that matter. Their raging hormones make them kind of rebellious and sex sometimes seems like the best way for them to get back at their parents. This is all the more reason you need to have a healthy discussion with your child on the topic.
How to Broach the Subject?
You cannot discuss what they would like to have for dinner and ask them if they are sexually active in their relationship with their partner, in the same breath. You need to start from the basic level which is getting comfortable with your child on this issue. Let your teens know that you understand the kind of emotions they are experiencing after they have hit puberty.
Ask them if there is something they would like to discuss with you. Your daughter might need some guidance when she starts her periods and your son might need some tutoring on ways to needs to handle how his body reacts when it gets excited. That done with, you need to establish a sort of camaraderie with your teens so that once you reach the main point of your talks, they don’t give you the ‘ we know it all look’ or dart to their room in sheer awkwardness.
Once your teens start to feel comfortable around this subject, you can let them know that you do have an idea about how it feels to get attracted towards the opposite sex at this age, both emotionally and physically. Don’t start nailing the sex rules on the walls of your kitchen next, but let them know what you expect out of them and why. Banish this age-old myth from your mind that talking about sex with your teens is going to encourage them to go for it.
Talk to Them About All the Aspects of It.
With changing lifestyles, you should be prepared for the fact that your kid might get involved sexually with his or her partner well before marriage. If they don’t, for whatever reason, that’s their choice but forcing your kids to no go down, that route is definitely not going to work. You can let your teens know that they should at least wait for a certain age.
You also need to broach issues like birth control, having safe sex, boys not objectifying women and respecting them, recognizing if the relationship is based on emotions and is not taking the form of sexual abuse, the consequences of not choosing wisely which could lead to situation like molestation and rape, the topic of watching porn, and issues like STD and HIV.
The side talk
You can let your teens know what your beliefs and ideologies on the subject are and then let them make their own decisions. Let them understand that there are other ways of showing affection to your partner by giving them life examples on the same.
I hope you find this article helpful. If you want to add some more things, please let us know in the comment section below. Share this article with other parents who might find this useful. Thank you. 🙂